Naruto oneshots
by thelivingtunic
Summary: Just a series of oneshots that have nothing to do with each other. I have the second oneshot up now. T right now.
1. I Double Dog Dare You

Author's note: I might put in a list of dares later, but for now, it's just this. oneshot. First oneshot I've ever written.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Mashashi Kishimoto does, if that's his name because I might've spelt that wrong but I don't know.

--

Tsunade walked with Shizune towards an open area in Konoha, trying to explain to her what they were going there for and why.

" ...And now they want more people to play that silly game with them, and they say that they need more people then their senseis. Naruto then brought up the fact that the ramen man will give the winner of the whole game free ramen for a year, so I thought..." Tsunade continued, until they reached their destination, where teams 7, 8, 9, and 10, their senseis, Jiraiya and Genma, Hayate, Izumo and Kotetsu were waiting. Tsunade cleared her throat, getting everyone's attention.

" OK, the reason I asked you all out here is that Naruto has, somehow, convinced all of the genin here that playing Double Dog Dare You would somehow be fun to play, and they refuse to play by themselves or with just their senseis. Then Naruto told me that the ramen man will give the winner of our big Double Dog Dare You game free ramen for a year" Tsunade explained. Everyone nodded.

" So, let's get playing" Tsunade said. Kotetsu grinned as everyone got into a circle on the ground. " Who wants to go first?" Tsunade asked. No one said a word.

" How about you, Genma?" Tsunade asked, implying something, trying to get the game started. Genma sighed, and nodded. Naruto was talking excitedly to Kiba, who was on one side of him. Genma looked annoyed, but then smirked.

" Naruto, I double dog dare you to eat an entire jar of peanut butter, without anything to wash it down" Genma said.

Naruto stared at him as Genma threw a jar of peanut butter at him.

" You have to do it. Or else you lose your chance for free ramen" Kotetsu piped up, earning a look, that told him to be quiet and to keep his mouth shut, from Genma, Hayate, Izumo and Tsunade. Kotetsu shrank back a bit. Naruto pulled a spoon from his pocket, and began to eat. Soon, he was at the last bite. He held the spoon with the last of the peanut butter, then opened his mouth and ate it, completing the dare. Rather unfortunately, his mouth got 'glued' shut right afterwards, preventing him from taking his turn. So Kiba went, looking around the circle at everyone. He finally looked at Shino, and grinned widely. Shino saw his grin, and put his head in his hands.

" Shino, I double dog dare you to..." Kiba said, drawing it out.

" Why don't you hurry up and spit it out Kiba?" Shino snapped. Kiba sighed, still wearing his face wide grin.

" I double dog dare you... to kiss Hinata" Kiba finished. Both Shino and Hinata went red. Shino frowned, but leaned over to Hinata and pecked her politely on the cheek anyway. He sat back down.

" Well, it's your turn Shino" Kiba told him.

' I'd like nothing better than to kick his smug butt straight into the Land of Waves right now..' Shino thought.

" I pass" Shino said, getting up, since passing also gets you eliminated in this game. Izumo, who was sitting next to Shino, sighed, then looked around. He smirked when he saw Kotetsu was getting a bit antsy. He decided he'd dare Kotetsu, but also chose to drag it out longer. When he thought Kotetsu would drop out since he was very antsy by now, wriggling and squirming, he decided it had been long enough.

" Kotetsu..." Izumo said, smirking as Kotetsu let out a very audible sigh. " Kotetsu, I double dog dare you... to... lick... Tsunade's... armpit" Izumo dragged out. Kotetsu looked disgusted. Tsunade looked shocked that Izumo would dare Kotetsu to do that. Kotetsu started to stammer.

" B-b-b-b-b-but Izumo, i-it's T-Tsunade s-s-s-sama, I-I can't lick her armpit" Kotetsu started to protest.

" Then your out, Kotetsu" Izumo simply replied. Kotetsu groaned, then crawled over to Tsunade on his hands and knees. Tsunade scowled at Izumo, then lifted her arm. Kotetsu shuddered, then stuck his tongue out, and licked her armpit, slower than either of them wanted. As soon as he pulled away and Tsunade put her arm down, Kotetsu started to gag. He turned away from everyone, knowing what was coming next. Then he puked. Everyone was becoming concerned when he finally stopped. He wiped his mouth, his eyes watering.

" That was so sick" he said, his voice cracking. Izumo looked at him.

" You sound like you want to cry" Izumo said.

" That might be because I do" Kotetsu informed him. He sniffled.

" I haven't seen you this close to crying, Kotetsu. Are you alright?" Izumo asked, concerned.

" What do you think, Izumo?! I just licked an armpit and barfed my guts out!" Kotetsu shouted, tackling Izumo. Soon, the two were laughing. Kotetsu promptly sat up, once he was reminded it was his turn. He thought for a moment.

" Shizune, I double dog dare you to make out with Genma" Kotetsu said, before anyone could protest. Shizune gasped, and stood up. But instead of going to Genma, she headed towards Kotetsu, and he must've saw where she was going with it, because he looked upset.

" Not the face, Shizune, not the face" he pleaded. Then she punched him. In the face. She walked past him, stepping over him where she knocked him down.

" I quit" she said simply. " Free ramen for a year is not enough to get me to put up with Kotetsu for a day" she said. The guys started laughing at Kotetsu. Kotetsu groaned, and sat up. It was plain to see he was going to have a black eye from that.

" Shizune, I didn't know you could hit that hard. I thought only Tsunade could hit like that" Kotetsu said. Shizune walked over to him.

" It must've rubbed off on me" she said. Kotetsu grinned.

" Hopefully that's not the only thing that wears off on you, Shizune.." Kotetsu said, looking at her. Shizune got what he meant immediately and gasped.

" PERVERT!" she shouted, and kicked him in the back hard, sending him flying across the circle. He stopped when he landed in front of Tsunade. His face landed in her lap. He pushed away and ran back to his seat. His face was red.

Many, many turns later, it was down to the final two: Naruto, and Kotetsu. It was Naruto's turn.

" I double dog dare you to put ice down your underwear and let it melt!" Naruto exclaimed. Izumo held out the ice for Kotetsu. He took it, and without hesitating, shoved it all down his underwear, and stiffened.

" S-s-s-s-so c-c-c-cold" he stammered. Naruto was laughing.

" I-I d-d-double d-d-dog d-d-d-dare y-you t-to d-d-drink s-s-s-spoiled m-m-m-m-milk" Kotetsu said. Naruto stopped laughing, and his face fell as Jiraiya brought out a full glass of spoiled milk. Naruto sniffed it, then turned his head away, revolted. Naruto held his nose.

" Remember the ramen, remember all that ramen..." Naruto muttered, then downed the whole glass. Once he was done, he puked. He was trembling when he was done. He wiped his mouth and smirked victoriously at Kotetsu, who now had his hands between his legs and was whining about how cold he was. Then he overheard Hayate talking to Tsunade. Hayate was wondering if Kotetsu would get frostbite, and how long would it take for him to get it. Kotetsu freaked out. Izumo tried multiple times to calm him down before he succeeded in telling Kotetsu that he probably wouldn't get frostbite. Naruto snickered. Kotetsu straightened up. Naruto took a minute to think.

" I double dog dare you to lick the sole of Jiraiya's foot" Naruto said smugly. Kotetsu waddled (rather funnily I might add, considering all that ice in his underwear...) over to Jiraiya and got down on his knees. Jiraiya took his foot out of his sandal and held it up in front of Kotetsu's face. Kotetsu stuck his tongue out and licked Jiraiya's foot, shuddering halfway through. Even though he looked disgusted and nauseous after that, Kotetsu didn't throw up. He thought for a moment.

'What would make Naruto cry, or quit? What... Hmm... OH! I got it!' Kotetsu thought.

" OK, Naruto, this is a big dare" he told Naruto. Naruto smirked.

" I can do it, bring it on already!" Naruto said. Kotetsu grinned.

" I was hoping you'd feel that way, Naruto. I double dog dare you... not to eat ramen for a year" Kotetsu said. Naruto's jaw dropped.

" B-but then winning the free year of ramen would be useless" Naruto stammered. Kotetsu grinned even more.

" That's right, unless I win" he said. Naruto gave up. He couldn't NOT eat ramen for a year. Heck, he probably couldn't last a week.

" OK, let's go get some ramen. I'm buyin" Kotetsu said. Everyone walked towards the ramen shop.

" It's all gonna be free" Kotetsu muttered to himself happily. So, when they got there, ordered, and told the ramen man who was buying, he smiled.

" So who won? Naruto?" he asked.

" No. I did" Kotetsu admitted, and the ramen man looked at him in dismay.

" Then if your buying, all that ramen's free!" the ramen man exclaimed. Almost everyone cheered. Except the ramen man. He started to cry.

There, that's my oneshot. I wanted to make it funny. I never see any funny oneshots, just romantic ones. Romantic oneshots are all good and all, but funny is... well, it's funny. It makes people laugh. I like funny.


	2. Izumo's Loss

Author's Note: This story is not that happy. If you don't like stories that aren't exactly happy, don't read.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

It was dark, and raining lightly. Much too lightly to wash away the dark blood that stained the road in front of the Konoha guard house just inside the village gates. Tsunade, and some jounin, came running, and slowed when they saw the dark blood, and the bodies. Most were the bodies of sound nin, quite dead. All but one were. A sob arose from the guard house. Tsunade walked over, and peered inside. Kamizuki Izumo stood up, shaking, looking horrified but otherwise unharmed. Izumo walked out of the guard house. He took one look at the gorey mess in front of him and broke down in tears. Tsunade looked at him, curious.

" Kotetsu! Kotetsu I'm sorry!" Izumo screamed, as if Kotetsu were still alive, which, sadly, he wasn't. He fell silent as a flashback of what happened flashed through his mind...

* * *

_Start Flashback_

_Sound nin somehow get into Konoha. No time to sound the alarm. A fight breaks out. Soon, all but one sound nin are dead, but Kotetsu is badly hurt and bleeding heavily. Izumo tries to tell him to stop, that he'd fight the last nin, but Kotetsu tells him no._

_" I'll do it, no point in you risking gettin hurt too, Izumo" he insists. Izumo shrugs and goes back into the guard house, and ducks down behind the desk so as not to get hit by thrown weapons, like kunai. Sounds of a fight break out, but then all fight sounds stop with a choking noise. Izumo is curious about that, and pokes his head up, and gasps at the sight of the lone sound nin, who had somehow managed to get his fingers around Kotetsu's throat, shaking and squeezing the life out of Kotetsu. Izumo hears the sound nin laughing, laughing at the ease with which he is killing the Leaf ninja in his grasp. Izumo rips out a kunai and throws it silently, watching it hit its mark, the side of the sound nin's head. The sound nin collaspes and lets Kotetsu go, dead. Kotetsu falls limply, too. Izumo huddles down behind the desk, having sounded the alarm not long before._

_End flashback_

* * *

Izumo shuddered, and then ran to Kotetsu's body. He just stared at his face, his eyes open, glazed over and rolled back into his head. Izumo then looked at his purple neck, bruised, and broken. He touched it once, then pulled his hand back from the purple, lumpy flesh, lumpy from where the bones were sticking out awkwardly. He sighed, tears still running down his face and stood up. He walked back to Tsunade, and began to explain what happened, with a shudder. The faces of the other ninja fell.

* * *

A few days later, everyone gathered for Kotetsu's funeral. Izumo had his eyes closed for the most part. Hayate walked up to him afterwards.

" You OK, Izumo?" he asked, coughing. Izumo nodded, he still had his eyes closed. " You can open your eyes you know" Hayate added, and Izumo opened his eyes. He looked at the ground.

" ...It's gonna be hard without him, Hayate" Izumo said. Hayate nodded.

" I know. We'll be fine though" Hayate said. Izumo slightly smiled.

* * *

A few months later, Izumo was sitting, once again in the guard house, with another jounin, Kotetsu's replacement. For the first week with the new guy, Izumo couldn't look at him, and kept half expecting Kotetsu to jump up, right in his face. But he had to accept that Kotetsu was never coming back, and to do that he started to look at and talk to the other jounin. After that, the feeling that Kotetsu was going to jump up or laugh at him or fart or something gradually faded away. He could now accept that Kotetsu was dead, although he didn't like to think about how he could accept it. Life went on, even though for Izumo, it was a little painful sometimes. Like in the mornings, showing up at the guard house still brought back the flashback. He still had nightmares about it too, every other week. Every week he'd stop at the memorial stone too, and 'talk' to Kotetsu.

* * *

Gradually, like the feeling that Kotetsu wasn't really dead, the nightmares and flashbacks faded. He could still remember that night if he wanted to, of course, but he didn't think about it much. Also, his trips to the memorial stone lessened too, until he hardly ever went at all. He also began to smile again. But like he'd said to Hayate, it was hard without Kotetsu. But like Hayate had said to him also, they were fine.

Author's Note: Don't flame me for killing Kotetsu please. He's my favorite character, but I wanted to write this before I lost the idea so I could write a oneshot that isn't romantic. I'm kind of running away from a romantic oneshot, since EVERYONE writes those! But I might write a romance oneshot if someone requests it, but I'm definitely not writing one if someone doesn't request one.


End file.
